Things I Love Thursday

Deer

I have 5 favorite animals, and this is one of them. I center Christmas around my deer. I have them on my wreath, my tree, my garland. I go through the multi-packs of wrapping paper just to find the ones that have deer on them.

I think they're beautiful.

When I first went camping with my husband in the summer, we slept in the front seats of the truck. See, we didn't bring a tent, and he built this goofy thing and put a tarp over it. And I'm incredibly claustrophobic, so I woke him up and we climbed into the front seats. I'm a very heavy sleeper...a bomb could go off outside and I probably wouldn't hear it. But when my husband told me that there was a deer standing mere feet away from the truck, I woke up. She was so gorgeous. I had never seen on in person before and it was well worth it. We stared at her for about ten minutes before she left. My heart was racing so fast I never went back to sleep.

My father-in-law loves to go deer hunting. I think it's disgusting. I think if he ever brought a dead deer home I would cry.

I sometimes have dreams about them. They're all about the same. I am standing in a forest alone, and a huge buck comes up to me and lets me pet him. It's always a buck. I think their antlers are majestic and unique. I hope that someday that actually happens. I think my heart would almost explode out of my chest.

Song of the Week #2

Drummer Boy - Jars of Clay

"I am poor boy too...I have no gifts to bring...that's fit to give a king."

Sorry I missed this on Monday. I was busy yesterday.

I thought I would do a Christmas song this week. You know, to be festive. I actually have never heard a version of this song I liked before this. Drummer Boy has never been one of my favorite Christmas songs until I heard this version of it on Grey's Anatomy. I think this is hands down the greatest cover of Drummer Boy out there. I would listen to this even if it wasn't the Christmas season. I love it that much. 

Song of the Week #1

Heartless Cover - Dia Frampton

"How could you be so doctor evil? You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know."  

 

I love this song. I don't like the original. At all. The lyrics are good, but I hate the way he sings it. It's annoying. So when Dia sang this on The Voice (a show I absolutely love) I was excited. I downloaded it from iTunes right after I heard it. I listened to some of her music before she was on the show, and I love her voice. I wish I could sing half as good as her. The Fray also covered this song, and as much as I love Isacc Slade and all of his amazingness, but she still does this song better.

Things I Love Thursday

Seether

What a better way to start this off but with my favorite band?

Believe it or not, I don't know much about them. I know they're from southern Africa and their lead singer's name is Shaun Morgan (pictured above). And that's about it. All I know is I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, their music.

I know they're kind of dark and twisty. Depressing at times. And a little hardcore for my style. But I've loved them since I was in middle school. So many of their songs spoke to me growing up. Hopefully someday I will get to see them in concert. <3

Change Happens

About a month ago, I was in the mall with my sister and husband. I was in Claire's, minding my own business, and someone I went to high school with approached me. Instead of saying hello, like every other decent person, they said,

"Hey, you got a tattoo."  

I turned to them, surprised. I hadn't seen this person in three years, and that's the response I got. So I responded with a simple,

"Yes, I did."

And they said something that I had heard many times.

"I just never pictured you as someone who would ever get a tattoo."

-_-

Are you kidding me? That's it? You see me after three years and that's all you have to say? Of course, I had already heard this from many of my former classmates, but for some reason, this irritated me the most. But I wasn't going to let them know it. So I replied, kindly of course...

"People change."

And it's true. I have changed a lot since high school. My old self would have never joined the Guard. She wouldn't have gotten married at the age of 19. She wouldn't have decided to study nursing instead of computer science. She wouldn't have gone to Washington D.C. without at least calling her mother every night. Old me would never have experienced or done any of the things present me does or did. I am proud of my tattoos. My military experience. My young marriage. My trips around the country. My choice of career. I am proud of myself and all of these things. It makes me amazing. And I know my future self will be even more stunning.

New Ideas!

I think I am going to start something new. "Things I Love Thursday." I think it's awesome. I know many other blogs, (like my friend Mariah's and my little sister's) do stuff like this. So why not mine too? So I am going to start by posting something I love on Thursdays. I have been neglecting this poor blog, and I need to give myself a reason to get on it during the week. I am hoping to come up with something else to do during the week along with this. I'm excited!

P.S. I came up with a new one. I will do a song of the week every Monday. I love music, and it seems fitting to put it up on Mondays.

This Could Be the End of Everything...

"Oh simple thing, where have you gone?"

These lyrics suit my life so very, very well right now. Everything has just been so damned complicated lately, and I can't control any of it. I feel like I've been trapped in a corner with no way out.


I enjoy simple things so much. The sound of my niece's laughter. The smell of a freshly cleaned room. The taste of a cold glass of water. The feel of snuggling with a dog. The scent of my husband's skin. The joy of spending time with my sister. The excitement of hanging out with my best friends. The freedom of losing my mind in a song. The relaxation I feel after a long night of writing.


I haven't been able to enjoy any of these thing lately. None of them. I feel the stress of everything in every single muscle in my body. I know God has bigger plans for me than this. I just need to push through this. I need to continue being calm and get through this so I can get my gorgeous, simple life back. I deserve simplicity.

"I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin..."

Sister...

Who cares what they think? Their opinion means nothing as far as I'm concerned. You are an amazing person, and if they can't see that, it's their fault. You're smart...there's a reason that Beaver Dam didn't want you to leave. You're cute...boys are always hitting on you somewhere. You're sympathetic...in a good way. You care so much about other's feelings. Nothing is ever going to be good enough for them, so stop trying. I realized that a long time ago. It's not worth driving yourself crazy. Live your life according to you. Make mistakes. Be so broke all you can afford is 28 cent Ramen. Fall in love. Have your heart broken. Break someone else's heart. Make friends with people from other states and countries. Live somewhere you absolutely hate and work your ass off to get away. The world is so BEAUTIFUL out here. All these experiences are too. Go out and have them. You deserve the best this world has to offer. Just be happy. And know that I'll always be there.  

A Woman So Heartless...

Just hearing her voice makes my blood boil. I can't stand to be in the same room with her. And yet, I'm forced to live with her. I know I don't have any right to, but I resent everything about her. Her lack of respect for her parents. The way she yells at everyone instead of going to talk to them. The way she cries about anything that doesn't go her way. The fact that she has no consideration for any one's feelings other than her own. Her materialistic attitude. Her drug addiction and lack of desire to try and cure it. Her laziness. Her missing concern for her own daughter. Her thirst for money. Her hate for her sweet brother. I can't stand anything about her.

I'll Do Anything To Just Feel Better...

I miss him. I miss him every single day. I have dreams about him. I know it sounds stupid. He's not a person...he's a dog. And not a very good one at that. But I miss him anyway. The way he used to wake me up in the morning. The way he used to snuggle with me on the couch. The stupid things he used to do. The humor and happiness he brought into our lives. I know it's silly. He's just a dog...I shouldn't miss him as much as I do. But I do. Every day. I just hope wherever he is, he's happy.

Will Once Again Be BLONDE...

Okay, so being a brunette was fun. While it lasted. But, I need a change. So much has happened in my life over the past year and I need to move forward, so I am starting with my hair. With means going back to being a gorgeous, blonde BOMBSHELL. I have this huge plan for myself and it doesn't include dying my hair dark once a month. So, I am going to go back to being me. Which does include being blonde. And I am thrilled.

God Please...

I have never needed my baby more than I do now...I need Tyson  back. I don't care what I have to do in order to get him back...I'll do anything. I promise. Just please...I need him back so badly. I will pray every day until I get him back. I just...I need him back.

Venting...

I am used to hating my sister-in-law. I have grown accustom to our agressive relationship of me hating her and loving her sweet daughter. But now, she's in pain. A lot of pain. And I can't be mean. It's my greatest problem...too much sympathy. I can't do anything about it. I see her cry, and even though it's irritating, I feel guilt. Is she my responsibility? No. Of course not. But, as usual, I feel obligated to help. This always happens. And they all knew I would fall in line.


I just want to tell her that it's not like she's an American hero who got blown up in Iraq or saved a child from a burning building and was injured. But you don't say that to someone who just got their kneecap shattered and had metal rods and plates put in it's place. Whether she inflicted this on herself, or it was her husband's doing, it's still awful. And if she really inflicted this upon herself...all of this pain and dependency...then I really pity her. She needs help to do everything...And I do mean everything. Eat, sleep, relieve herself. Everything someone has to help her do.  It's no life. And they enable it. And she milks it for all they're worth.


I understand...my wounds aren't visible. They aren't a shattered bone or a bleeding gash. But they exsist. My lack of self-esteem keeps me held at bay every single day. Keeping me from being the sweet, funny wife I should be...the loving, impressive daughter...the protective, understanding sister...the confident, amazing individual. All of these things I want and need to be I can't seem to be.


I need to move on. I am so tired of putting myself on the backburner...either I do it for my messed up, broken family, or I do it because I am just too depressed to get out of bed. And just when I was starting to get back who I am...just when I was starting to fix myself, this happened. Now I'm back, standing terrified on square one...and there are angry sharks all around keeping me from moving forward.

She has a favorite phrase that gets her out of trouble when someone is yelling at her. It rings in my head and haunts me day in and day out.

"That's what family does for each other. They help each other through hardships like this, and I need your help."

Well...if this is true...who's helping me through mine?